Testament to the Folly of Hos

(Especially as regards Bros)

 

“Women!” It has been exclaimed by Fieldists in tones of disgust and exhaust. “Stupid women!”, in the words of our once-great spiritual leader, Elrond Ytterbium. But the indefatigable passage of time (and the ladies) takes its toll on all of us, not the least of whom is the fragile dual mind of Anthony Madonna and our beloved Glorious Potentate. But the way has been lost. Fieldist compatriots, brothers in faith (bros, hereinafter), have taken up not so much arms as other elements of anatomy against the prior romantic interests of each other. The precious few strictures of a decent and functional Drexeltopia have been lost in the convolutions and machinations of recent interactions with women (hos, hereinafter). The policies of failure have failed, and it is time to make them work again.

 

The adage “bros before hos,” while technically originating from Grungo mysticism, still applies to situations involving the adherents to Allan. The general meaning of the statement is that one should put the welfare of his friendships above that of his romantic relationships, but there exists no greater threat to a friendship than the willingness of a person to intimately engage their friend’s ex. The animosity generated between elders as a result of such a situation would have the potential to cause the next great Fieldist schism. As such, moral edicts must be put into place to protect the cohesion of Fieldism. A bro shall not:

 

1.      Advise a ho of a course of action known to be counter to the wishes of the associated bro

2.      Engage, or allow himself to be engaged, in a romantic relationship with a bro’s former ho

 

As the Fieldist Minister of Culture and Vice (and less presently-relevant, Chinese Food), Rear Admiral The Wetzel hereby empowers and requires the Fieldist Grand Inquisitor to convene a tribunal to clearly identify, prosecute and persecute those accused of breach of the edicts referenced by this Testament. Special consideration, but not immunity, will be granted for express permission, appeals to a statute of limitations, or ignorance of motive. Any member of the Fieldist faith found to be in violation will be declared unmutual. The fate of the unmutuals (for no more than 5 minutes at a time) remains under the authority of the Grand Inquisitor.

 

This Testament in no way affects the standing of prose, whose priority remains above both hos and bros.

 

The High Council of Fieldist elders have approved these prescriptions on the twenty-ninth day of the month of November in the year of six and two thousand. They shall be held sacred by the Fieldist faithful, and may only Allan break asunder what Fieldists have wrought.