Dear Spiritual Wanderer,
We here at Rubber Chicken Enterprises have always been concerned with
the ever important aspect of life that most people consider their
spiritual side. For this reason we are proud to offer you a brand new
service. From the people who brought you the Big R Religious
superstore, and the Levitation for Dummies Series, we now offer you,
for only 19.67 a month, Fieldism! Fieldism! is the newest religious
craze since the days of those wild Protestants.
When Rubber Chicken Enterprises discovered such a unique conceptual
religion as Fieldism! we found the need to integrate its unique aspects
among our other one of a kind products. Fieldism! originated from an
unknown source, but frankly we don't really mind that much.
Although some may see Fieldism! as a rather indecisive religion, we find
that the indecisiveness is part of its beauty. With Fieldism! there is
no need for large amounts of faith, making it a suitable religion for
people from all walks of life.
The thoroughly unique part of Fieldism! is that it requires its members
to spend time sitting unclothed in a field. Although this seems a bit
extreme, or strange, or even a bit insane to the casual viewer, we can
assure you that it is more relaxing than you might think.
Unfortunately, the experience can be less than wonderful if you come ill
prepared. Luckily Rubber Chicken Enterprises has created a variety of
products which will quickly alleviate any problems.
The first problem we have discovered is that not everyone has access to
a field of there own. For that reason we are now selling Fieldism!
brand sod. This special sod can easily be placed in your favorite room
and makes a beautiful conversation piece at parties. It's guaranteed not
only to make your Fieldist! experience more enjoyable, but it also adds
an air of country living to any apartment.
Our next product is the ever important Fieldism! survival kit. With
this kit you can be assured that you will never hit any snags while on a
Fieldist! excursion. The kit contains rubbing alcohol, bandages, as
well as prescription medicines to help fight those allergy season
blues. Possibly the most important is a special Fieldism! brand cream
that will quickly ease the pain of bug bites in hard to reach places.
This wonderful cream has helped Fieldists! everywhere avoid unnecessary
and embarrassing trips to the physician's office.
Finally we offer a wide variety of Fieldist! clothing. From baseball
caps to intimate apparel, you can let the world know you are a Fieldist!
in any situation. Besides being made of a durable synthetic compound,
Fieldware! is undeniably fashionable and appropriate for any situation.
As you can see, Fieldism! is quite an enjoyable and almost inexpensive
way to spend your time. As an added bonus Fieldism! does not require
you to give up your current religious beliefs, although you must
purchase a special Fieldist! license in order to celebrate the new
Fieldist! beliefs. If you act quickly we can send you, at little or no
charge, a copy of the New Fieldist! Bible, outlining all of the Fieldist!
beliefs through the use of vague prophecies, and confusing metaphors.
We here at Rubber Chicken Enterprises hope that you will become a
Fieldist! and discover the ecstasy that several people around the world
have already become a part of.
President and C.E.O.
Rubber Chicken Enterprises
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